I’m clearing the house. A thorough cleaning just to keep my mind off things. I’m still coming to terms
with the fact that I’m pregnant.
When Rowan rejected the idea of us having another baby. I all but gave up on giving Noah a sibling. Now!
have another baby on the way and I didn’t know how to feel.
My phone rings and I pick it up. Normally I would have refused to pick up, but not today. Pushing those
close to me away wasn’t doing me any good…
“Hi Letty” I murmur while sitting down.
I’ve been so tired of late. I should have known that there was something more to it.
“Oh my God. You picked up. I thought you wouldn’t” she screams through the phone before sniffing. “I
missed hearing your voice. It’s been weeks”
“I’m sorry.” I release a breath. “I just didn’t know how to handle everything so I pushed you away”
I’ve never been good at communicating my feelings. I’ve never been good at even acknowledging them.
When I’m stressed or over emotional, I shut down. I try to bury them so that I can function properly.
Pushing my emotions down is usually better than acknowledging them. Now I know that isn’t healthy at
“Are you okay now?”
“Not all the way, but I will be” I assure her.
I don’t know how I plan to do that, but I was going to come out of this stronger.
I still can’t believe that I thought of killing myself and my own child. I may not know how to feel, but this
baby was my blood. Just like Noah is. I plan to be a good mother. I plan to be the best mother to him or
I shake those thoughts away. I don’t want to think of how low I had hit. I don’t want to think of what I
“I’m pregnant” I whisper, when she doesn’t say anything after a while.
“What?” She shrieks in surprise. “When did you find out?”
“About a week ago”
Just like with Noah, this baby is unexpected and unplanned. That won’t stop me from loving him or her I
always wanted another child. I may not like his or her father right now, but it’s not their fault.
“Oh darling, congratulations” she tells me as the surprises fades and joy fills her tone
“You sound happy about the news. I thought you wouldn’t, given who the father is”
“I am. I truly believe that a baby is a blessing, and this baby is who you need to pull you through the
heartache you’ve recently been through. This baby is your saving grace. He or she came to you just in
time.” She takes a deep breath as emotions clogs her voice.
“You were drowning. Ava. I could see it. Everyone could see it. I believe this baby has done what no one
else has managed to do. Pulling you out of the darkness”
I think about what she’s said and it’s true. It’s because of Noah and this child that I want to get better.
That I’m willing to get the help I need.
“Thank you for trying Letty. Even when I kept pushing you away, you still kept trying. You never gave up on
me” I was close to tears.
Every single thing makes me emotional now.
“You’re my bestfriend. More like the sister I never had. Of course I wouldn’t give up on you because I
know you would do the same”
We catch up after that. Moving away from serious conversations. By the time we say goodbye and hang
- up. It was an hour or so later.
It felt nice talking to her. I didn’t realize how much I had missed her. Just how lonely I had been these
past few weeks. I felt more like myself, now. I wasn’t quite there yet, but I was on my way.
I finish cleaning and I am exhausted by the time I am done. I collapse on the sofa, just as I hear my front
I frown. Who the hell would dare enter my house without knocking or ringing the bell?
My question is answered when I hear his sweet voice.
“Mommy! Mommy I am home!” he screams.
A big smile takes over my face and I stand up. I rush out of the living room just as he breaks through the