- A surprise
It’s been a month since the whole thing with Ethan happened. Am I okay? Definitely not. Does it
still hurt? Fuck yes. Have I moved on? Absolutely not.
Things haven’t been easy. Every day I find myself drowning further and further in a sea of pain and heartache. I thought I was doing okay when I decided to move on with Ethan. I realize now
that I was probably just lying to myself.
Ethan’s betrayal has drenched up all the other pains I tried burying. All the hurts I tried
forgetting. It was like I was now back to square one. Only thing is that I had a few more new scars
marring my heart and soul.
I go through the days in a fog. Just living numbly. Time and things pass me by because I wasn’t
really living. I am just surviving. Taking each day one at a time.
Everyone seems to have moved on, but I feel like I am just stuck. Stuck in a never ending cycle of
pain and heartbreak. My world right now is dark and cold and I feel all alone.
“Miss Sharp, are you okay?” Mark, one of my students asks me.
Fuck, I hate that name. It serves as a reminded that the people who gave it to me broke me. I
wanted to change it, but I didn’t know which name to take. I didn’t want to take the Howell’s name
given I don’t know that much about them. There is also the fact that I haven’t spoken to them
since that day at my house.
“Yes, I am…focus on the classwork” I reply to him before looking down at the books on my desk.
I loved teaching, but nowadays it has become like a chore. Every day I come to work, I can’t help
but wish the hours would fly by quickly so that I can go home. I wanted solitude but I wasn’t
getting enough of that with Letty and Rowan checking up on me every damn time.
My students have noticed something is wrong. Classes aren’t as fun as they used to be. I wasn’t as
cheery as I was before. I was like a robot. Lifeless. Because of this some of my students have
started skipping class. I just don’t know how to bring back the old Ava.
‘Instead of trying to bring the old you, why don’t you try to create a new version?‘ an internal voice
Was that even possible? Creating a new version. A version of me that is different from the child,
teen then woman who has been broken too many times to count.
Before I can answer that question or think too deeply about it, the bell rings Taking my things, I
dash out of my class without saying a single word to my students.
I keep my head down as I rush to the teacher’s lounge. I just want to breathe a little before I have to go to my next class Luckily, no one stops me in the hallway. I wasn’t really in the mood to talk
I get to the teacher lounge and freeze up. I was expecting it to be at least somewhat empty, but it
was damn packed. I release a groan as I walk to the furthest seat.
My phone rings just as I sit down. Nora’s name flashes. I’ve ignored their calls not really sure how
to handle them. Especially given their relationship with Ethan I go to hang up, but I press the
accept button instead
“Hello, Ava?” she calls out.
I don’t say anything. Just release the breath I was holding.
“Please my dear, please don’t shut me out. Don’t shut me and your father out” she whispers her
voice catching at the end.
I still don’t say anything. I couldn’t even if I wanted to. My mouth refuses to move. To utter a single
“You’re my daughter, Ava and I want to be in your life. I want to be the mother I was supposed to
- be. I know you’re hurting and I want to be there for you. I already lost one child, please don’t make
me lose another. Losing you again just after finding you would kill me” she pleads, crying and it
breaks my heart.
Tears fill my eyes. Damn it. I’ve been so emotional these past few weeks.
“I need time” I tell her slowly. Trying to push back my emotions.
She releases a breath. “I’ll give you time if that’s what you need, but always remember that I love
you. I’ve always carried you in my heart even when I thought you had died. I hope you can trust
me and know that I’ll always be here for you if you need me” 1
Gosh. It feels so good to be wanted, but I don’t know if I can trust them yet. Only time will tell.
“Okay” I reply before hanging up.
I get what she’s saying, but I just don’t know. What if she’s just looking for someone to hang on to?
the gap. That’s what I’m afraid of. Of being used. Of being a second choice just like I was with
I wasn’t being cold or anything like that towards them. I was just trying to protect the remaining
pieces of my heart.
“Damn girl” Carol says walking towards my table.
“Fuck” I groan under my breath.
She was a junior highschool teacher and she had a way of annoying the hell out of people. Mainly
because she likes to stick her nose in other people’s businesses.
“All that food” she looks at me in shock. “With the way you’ve been eating and how moody you are
nowadays, one would think you’re preggo” she finishes with a laugh. 2
I know she was joking, but I freeze in my seat. Her words ring in my mind like a broken record.
Driving fear through every fiber of my body.
She notices my behavior and frowns. “Are you okay, Ava? You have to know that I was just joking
I quickly stand up as panic starts coursing through my body. Rushing out of the lounge, I blindly ran through the hallway till I am out of the school. I immediately jump into my car and speed out
of the parking lot.
Shit. This couldn’t be happening. Please don’t let it be happening. 2
I try to think back. Try to do the math, but my mind is so jumbled that I cannot think straight.
I drive fast, not caring that I will probably be pulled for over speeding. I needed to confirm that
Carol was wrong.
Getting to the store, I park my car and rush out. Unluckily for me, I bump into Emma.
“Ava?” she calls a bit surprised. Probably because I look like a big fucking mess.
I ignore her and ran to the ladies section. Finding what I need, I take a bunch of them and quickly
move to the counter. Once I have my purchase, I leave.
I get into my car and soon I’m at home. I know the drill. So I drink around three glasses of water
and then head to my bathroom and take the test.
- Breaking point
[Warning. The following chapter contains content that maybe triggering to some]
No This can’t be happening to me. I can’t be pregnant. Not now and definitely not with Ethan’s
“Why God?” I whisper as the tears fall down my face.
I wait for an answer but none comes. He doesn’t tell me why this was happening to me. He doesn’t
tell me why he had to make me this unlucky.
I try to pick myself from the bathroom floor, but I just don’t have the energy. I’m completely
Was it my lot in life to have unplanned pregnancies? First with Noah and now this one. 2
I stare sightlessly at the tiled floor, thinking back. Ethan and I had unprotected sex once. I was supposed to take a morning after pill, but I completely forgot. By the time I remembered, a few
days had already passed.
I told Ethan about it. I expected him to be angry about it, but he wasn’t. Instead he calmed me
down. We both reasoned that it was unlikely for me to be pregnant. 1
I noticed some changes, like my period being late, but I thought it was due to the stress I was
under. I never gave much thought to my increase in appetite since I always eat when I’m stressed
The banging on my door startles me, but I don’t get up. Now more than before, I didn’t want to see
anybody. When the banging continues, I put my head between my knees and cover my ears. I just
wanted whoever it is to leave.
It becomes silent for a while. I breathe a sigh of relief but then start to panic when I hear the door
open and heavy footsteps walking upstairs.
Before I can do anything, like maybe hide, in case it was an intruder. A shadow fills the door way
to my bathroom.
“Ava?” Rowan’s deep voices resonates through the entire room.
The moment my eyes meet with his, I start crying again. Of all people, why did it have to be him?