- I love her
When put my plan in motion, I never expected to fall in love with her. That was the biggest
hindsight known that has ever happened to me.
I thought it would be easy. Just kill her and I would have everything I’ve worked for. I didn’t know that it would turn out to be harder than anything I’ve ever done.
Ava isn’t the kind of woman you ignore. She isn’t the type of woman you brush aside. She’s the type you fall in love. The kind of woman who makes you want to be a better man.
I knew the moment I started falling in love with her. I tried preventing it, but it was impossible. It was similar to trying to avoid a head on collision. It was just nearly impossible.
When I realized I had fallen for her, I tried fixing things but it was already too late. The damage had been done and I knew that it was only a matter of time before the truth came out. Instead of letting her go and backing away, I held on to her for the little time I knew I had with her.
Hurting her will always be my biggest regret. Her pain was mine too. While her heart was breaking, mine was breaking alongside hers. I destroyed a future we might have had because of
greed and if she never forgave, I would understand.
“Ethan, you got a visitor” a guard says.
I refused to see my parents every time they came to see me. I was fucking ashamed. They took me in. They loved me. They gave me their name and I turned around and stabbed them in the back by
trying to kill their biological daughter.
I don’t understand how they can still want to see me or be near me. If I were them, I wouldn’t have
been so forgiving.
“Ethan…” he shouts. I turn back and give him a cold look.
For a moment I think of telling him to tell them I don’t want to see them, but something stops me.
Something prevents the words from coming out.
I nod my head and he gestures to my hands. After extending them, he handcuffs me, before
leading me out of my cell.
I’m a new bee here, but no one dares to touch. Mainly because I’m a tough motherfucker and I
I walk out and freeze. The last person I expected to come see me was seated in the furthest corner.
I walk slowly as if I was in a daze. Unable to believe that Ava was actually here.
The guard, unlocks my cuffs.
“Ava?” I choke out as I take a seat and face her.
I memorize her face. Knowing that this is probably the last time I would see her. She was most likely here to get closure. Most women seek that, before moving on.
She wrings her hand as she looks at me. It’s not long before she’s dropping her eyes. As if just looking at me was causing her pain. Seeing her beautiful face just makes all I’ve lost the more real. I will never have her again. Never have a future with her. I’ll never make her my wife nor will I get to see her belly growing with my kid.
I feel the loss deep inside my bones. My cold beating heart hurting in a way that it has never before. Because of my own greed, I lost the only women I’ve ever and probably will ever love.
“I didn’t know whether to come or not. Whether you’ll even care or not, but I just had to come” she
says in a small unsure voice.
The fucking grip around my heart tightens. The fact that she’s unsure while talking to me, just shows how much I’ve broken her. All the progress she was able to make was destroyed by my
“What is it, Ava?” I ask her, my voice softening.
I wanted to hold her, I just wasn’t sure if she would let me. If she would pull away. She was no
longer mine, so I had no rights to her.
She takes a deep breath. “I-I”
She’s unable to finish the sentence. My brows pull together as I try to stem the worry inside. Was something wrong? Why was she having a hard time telling me what was eating her up?
“I’m pregnant” she whispers, looking down at the table.
I still. Sure that I hadn’t heard her correctly. She said she was pregnant, but that couldn’t be the
“I’m pregnant.” She repeats. “I found out a week ago and got it confirmed. I’m around three months
I can’t believe that I was going to be a father. That Ava and I managed to create life together. I still remember the way her body felt against mine. How making love to her felt like fucking heaven
I was honestly honored that she was carrying my child. I wouldn’t have picked a better mother for
Just as that thoughts crosses my mind another one crashes inside my head painfully.
“You’re here to tell me you don’t want the baby and are getting an abortion, right?” I ask her stiffly, every joint in my body locking.
She looks up sharply at me. Fire burning inside those brown orbs. For a moment I see the old Ava back. The one she was becoming before I broke her.
“Why the hell would you think that?” she snaps. “I admit, when I found out I wasn’t in my right frame of mind and I thought the baby would be better off not being born, but I quickly came back
to my senses.”
I heave a sigh of relief. I don’t know what I would have fucking done if she had told me she didn’t
want to have my baby.
“I came to tell you because I wanted to know what you want to do. I know that you don’t really care about me so maybe you wouldn’t care about the baby too. Do you want to be in his or her life?” (1
I think about it before answering. “No”
It pained me to say it, but the baby was better off without me. I am a monster for what I did to Ava.
She’s silent for a while, before she stands up and picks up her bag. My head falls forward. Hiding
the pain that I was feeling inside.
She goes to leave, but then she stops and sits back down.
“Why?” she demands. “Is it because you were just using me?”
“What can I offer him or her? I’m in prison, Ava. By the time I get out, he or she will be an adult. I’ll
miss all the milestones, I’ll never get to be a real father to them, plus who wants a dad that would
do such despicable things to their mom?” I ask, desperate to have her understand.
She doesn’t say anything for a while. I think I’ve made her see reason, but she surprises me
“I know, but you’re their father Whether you’re in prison or not, it won’t change that. You can be with us through every milestone, Ethan. I can include you if you want. You never have to miss anything. This baby derserves to know his or her father and your child will love you despite your sins, you just have to be there for them”
“You’re willing to bring our baby here for visitations?” I ask in surprise.
1 stare at her in surprise. Ava was truly phenomenal. I don’t understand how the hell Rowan was able to resist falling in love with her for the nine years they were together.
“Thank you” I tell her, my voice so full of emotion.
She nods her head and begins to stand. “I need to go, but I’ll be in touch. I’ll reach out again after my next appointment. In the meantime you can have this”
She gives me a copy of a scan. It doesn’t take long to figure out what I’m looking at. I’m not an emotional man, but tears fill my fucking eyes.
“I care about you” I tell her before she can leave.
At my words, she stops and turns to face me.
“I’ll hate myself more if you leave without hearing me.” I breathe out. “I fucking love you, Ava. I don’t know when it happened or how it happened, but it did. I love you with every beating of my
Her breath hitches and mist fills her eyes. “You have to know that it’s too late now” she whispers.
“I know. I fucked up, but that still doesn’t change the fact that I fell fast and hard for you”
“I saw a future with you, you know that? It was so tangible and bright. My feelings for you were blooming. I was on my way to giving you my whole heart. Broken pieces and all. Instead you
I stand, unable to take the crashing pain. I knew she was fond of me and liked my company. I
didn’t know that she had developed feelings for me. That she was on her way to falling in love
That knowledge was killing me Destroying me from the inside out. I lost everything and because of my foolishness, I couldn’t be an ever present father to my child Because of my stupidity, I’m now missing out on having a great woman by my side.
“Will you ever forgive me?” I ask brokenly.
“Maybe some time later in the future, but not right now”
Before I can think and back out, I pull her into my arms and kiss her with a passion that’s suffocating, knowing very well that this is the last time I’ll ever kiss her. That this is the last time
she’ll ever allow me to kiss her.
This was our goodbye kiss. Deep down I know that I’ve lost my chance with her.
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