- I’m sorry
I watch my lawyer nervously as he goes through the business proposal Corrine sent me.
I have to hand it to her. The woman worked fast. It hasn’t even been a day since we discussed the idea and already she had the proposal ready.
It was either that or she had already worked on it beforehand and she was just waiting for Letty and I to agree.
Staring at Rodgers, I wonder what was going on inside his head right now. He has been not only my lawyer but my advisor since I made my first million. I never get into a business without having his input first. So far he is the best and has never been wrong.
All the businesses he told me had the potential to prosper actually did and those he warned me against ended up failing. So as you can see, his input is really important.
“What do you think?” I ask him when I can’t take the nervousness anymore.
His eyes scan the document one more time before he lifts his head.
“It’s a great idea. I can see its potential” he answers.
I’ve worked with the man long enough to know that there was a ‘but‘ in there. With the way he paused, it was clear that he had concerns, but he didn’t know how to let me know.
“What is it?” I prompt, wanting him to speak up before my heart bursts in anxiety.
He stares at me carefully. As if he was trying to gather his thoughts and organize them before speaking.
The more he continued to stare at me without speaking, the more anxious I got.
“Spit it out, Rodger’s”
“I just feel like this isn’t really a traditional idea” he finally says.
“I know it’s not”
“Plus there is the other aspect.” He pauses before continuing. “Have you thought about how this will affect the foundation aspect of your life”
I frown at that. He sees my unhappiness and rushes to correct himself.
“I’m not saying it’s a bad idea. It’s actually really good and has the potential to become a huge company. All I’m saying is that as the founder of Hope foundation you have an image to uphold. Now that people know your identity, they associate you with the kids you help. Most people would probably stop donating if they find out you’re part owner of a sex toy company”
My eyes drop to my desk.
Since I had extra rooms in the house, I had decided to turn one of them into a home office given I was going to spend the majority of my time home until after I gave birth.
I stew on it for a while before realizing that what he said is right. I was the face of a children’s organization, so, for me to be in that line of business, it will be viewed as going against what is morally acceptable when dealing with kids.
I sigh in defeat, I was against the idea at first, but I got excited about it later on. It seemed like fun to start such a company with friends.
“You’re right. A lot of the social elites would probably stop donations once word gets out”
He nods his head and then we are quiet for a moment.
I was deep in thought. Thinking of how I was going to let Corrine and Letty down easily. I know they would be disappointed but I’m sure they’d understand where I was coming from. After all,
that’s what friends do.
“This is a big opportunity and I don’t want you to lose it.” He starts, pulling me from my thoughts.” Would you friends be open to having you as a silent partner?”
Slowly, my excitement starts growing. I can see in which direction he is heading towards. In some
of the business I helped with capital, I was a silent investor. I had shares and I was consulted in major decision making, but most people didn’t know I was a partner. Usually, only the CEO and the board knew of my identity.
“That could work. I’ll have to talk to them, though I’m sure they won’t have a problem with it.” I
tell him, smiling. Feeling my mood lift.
“It’s settled then” he says standing up. “Talk to them and then let me know so I can draft up the
“Okay. And thanks once again Rodger’s for your help”
“No problem. After all, you do pay me a hefty amount to make sure I sort out your worries” he says
“I’ll see you, Ava”
“See you too, Rodger’s”
He leaves after that and I immediately pick up my phone. I was going to talk to Letty first, then
She picks after the first ring.
““Letty, I’ve got…” she cuts me off before I can finish my sentence.
“I’m really sorry Ava. I’ve wanted to apologize, I just didn’t know where to start”
Her voice is so remorseful and so sad. It makes me want to soothe her by taking away what was
“What are you talking about, Letty? What are you sorry about?”
I stare at the wall opposite me in confusion. As far as I can tell, we haven’t gotten into an
argument. She hasn’t done anything that would warrant me forgiving her.
“For pushing. I keep pushing the issue about Rowan not realizing how much it is hurting you. I
just want you to be happy and a part of me thinks Rowan is your happiness. You’ve loved him so
long that it’s hard to believe that all of it is gone.”
“Letty…” She was on a rant so she doesn’t give me a chance to speak.
“I want you to have a chance to be happy. You told me that you used to want Rowan to have
feelings for you, but now that it seems he has, you don’t believe it and you’re against it. I just don’t
I sigh. This again?
I was getting tired of hearing them speak about Rowan and his so–called feelings. It grated on my
mind every time they did. Rowan didn’t factor in my life and neither did his feelings. He could
take them and shove them up his stuck up ass for all I cared.
“I’m going to explain it this once and then I never want to hear about this ever again” I breathe
“I loved Rowan and a part of me will probably forever will. Sure, you can’t get over that kind of love
but it can be slowly killed by actions from the one you love. Rowan hurt me in so many ways that
love I had became too painful for me, so in order to preserve the little pieces of myself I had, I
buried it so deep that it could never be dug up again”
I feel my heart hurt when I speak of the love I had for Rowan. Like I said, it was probably still
there, but it was buried under years of his cruelty. The pain he inflicted later became heavier than
the love I felt.
He never lifted a hand against me, but sometimes I wish he had. Physical wounds were easier to
heal unlike the mental one and those inflicted on the heart and soul.
“Rowan hurt me in a way I would never wish on my worst enemy. Burying that love was the only
way I could survive the hurricane that was him.”
I hear her sobbing. It hurts me, but I have to make her understand.
“I’m sorry, Ava. I didn’t mean to drench up such painful memories”
“I know, Letty and I know you want me to be happy, but Rowan isn’t the key. If we were never
happy in the nine years we were married, what makes you think we’ll be happy together now?”
Like I keep telling Letty, I doubt Rowan has any feelings for me except hate, and even if he
miraculously developed some, too much has already happened for us to move past it.
“I’m really sorry. I promise never to mention it again”
I exhale in relief.
“Thank you, and besides, did you forget I swore off men? Love isn’t for me. Looking at the men I’ve
been with, history has taught me I have horrible taste when it comes to them” I chuckle.
She lets out a small laugh. She had a field day the day I announced I was done with men.
“Yeah I remember. I guess the business idea came at the perfect time. Free sex toys for you” this
time her laugh is more robust and I’m glad I was able to draw her from the melancholy feelings
“Speaking of which…”
I proceed to tell her everything we discussed with the lawyer. Explaining to her why I had to be a
silent partner instead. Just like I had predicted, she accepts the idea.
“I completely understand. I see no problem with it and I’m sure that Corrine will understand too”
Til speak to her later”
“Which reminds me, did you buy from the list we sent you like we asked you too?” She asks after
“I was planning to go after the meeting with my lawyer”
“Well you better get your butt up and go… your feedback is very important” she pauses and I hear
someone talking to her before she gets back on the phone. “I have to go, there’s an impromptu
meeting and I’m needed”
“It’s okay. Have a great day and take care”
“You too and remember to let me know once you’ve gotten the toys”
After that we hung up.
I finish doing my chores, take a shower, get ready then I leave. Heading straight to the mall. It
doesn’t take me long to get there.
After parking my car, I head inside. I was a nervous wreck. I was excited but at the same time I
felt like I was doing something wrong. Like everyone will judge me and find me lacking by
entering a sex toy shop, let alone buying from it. 1
I follow the directions to where Corrine told me her favorite shop is located. I breathe a sigh of
relief when I realize that it in a somehow hidden location.
I pause when I get to it. Still unsure of what exactly I had let my friends talk me into. It was as I
was seriously debating whether to enter or not, when I heard his unmistakable deep voice.
Ah fuck! What the hell was he doing here?