- Bane of my existence.
Fuck!! watch as Ava flees from the shop. I want to follow her, but I know that I’ve messed up big
I saw the panic in her eyes, but it was like I was in a trance. My mind shut down completely when
I saw her almost naked body.
I didn’t realize that I had moved or that I had cornered her. It wasn’t until she pushed me away
that I realized what I was about to do.
She was my wife for fucks sake, but she has never affected me on this level. I’ve seen her naked
countless times yet this time it was different. I couldn’t fucking explain it, but it was. It was like I
was seeing her for the first time.
Our sex life was good, but I had always held back. I still loved Emma back then and every time I
sough intimacy from Ava, I felt like I was betraying Emma. 5
It was the hardest at the beginning of our marriage. I drowned in guilt each time I touched Ava.
Always drinking myself stupid after we were done. After, I learnt to ignore the guilt. Learned to
push it back so my body can get what it needs. (2
Even though I didn’t love, Ava, I couldn’t cheat. After watching my parents, I took marriage and my
vows seriously. I had countless of opportunities, but I couldn’t have tr
to do it even if
I run my hand through my hair. Grabbing the strands in frustration. The intensity at which I’d
wanted Ava a few minutes ago almost brought me to my knees.
I couldn’t get the image of her sexy little body out of my fucking mind. Or the image I had of
moving her panties to the side and sinking inside her warm heat.
I hadn’t even seen her whole body yet I was fucking hard. Harder than I’ve ever been my entire
fucking life. The whole thing just confused me and scared the crap out of me.
Cursing again, I leave the room. The need to escape filling my bones. I was not only trying to
escape the memories, but also the need that had taken every inch of my body. 1
I usually don’t shop in malls. I have everything custom made by an exclusive designer. Mom had
I never expected to see Ava. I saw her just as I was about to pull off the parking lot. She looked
nervous and shifty, so I decided to follow her, because I was curious on what would make her that
Part of me wishes I hadn’t because now I’m fucking sure she’ll want to distance herself even more.
Getting into my car, I drive off. Heading towards my parent’s house.
I was wound up so tight that it was barely hard to breathe. Everything inside me was coiled and I
still couldn’t get the damn image of Ava out of my mind.
I get to the house in record time. Picking up the toy, I head on inside. I was going to hand it over,
then I was going to my club to get myself a fucking drink.
“You’re finally here, did you get it?” mom asks looking up from the sofa she was sitting on.
I just nod my head. Gritting my molars against the frustration I was currently feeling.
As always, a mother knows when something is right. When her child is struggling.
“Is something wrong?” she asks frowning.
I’m not a heart to heart man but for a fucking moment I think of talking to her. I stop myself
though because how can I?
How can I tell her that the woman we’ve spent almost a decade hating, now has me all tied up in
knots? That she’s all I think about almost every second of the day.
How can I tell her that if Ava hadn’t pushed me away, I would have probably fucked her in the
changing room? That it wouldn’t have been enough and I would have taken her back to my home
and started all over again?
“Is this about the article?” her question pulls me from my daydreaming.
She straightens and picks her phone from the table. She scrolls through it, taps on something and
then hands it to me. I take a seat as I look at the article that was published about an hour ago.
[Rowan Wood caught on camera with ex–wife Ava Sharp while entering a mom and baby shop.
Could the divorced couple be expecting their second child? Stay tuned as we gather more
information on whether Ava is truly pregnant and if she is, when it happened given they’ve been
I curse. My hands folding into fists.
From what I know, only four people knew that Ava was pregnant. She was going to lose it when
she finds out about the article.
I place mom’s phone down and take my own. Dialing the number of my one of my contacts in the
entertainment industry. I wait for her to pick up.
“Sir?” she picks up on the first ring.
“There is a new article about me and Ava circulating, I want it taken down” I growl, fueled by
“I see it, give me ten minutes”
“Also let it be known that if anyone is caught writing articles about Ava’s private life, they’ll face
I cut of the phone, still fuming.
Ava has always been a private person. I was going to protect her privacy at all coast. It doesn’t
matter what it takes.
“What’s going on between you and Ava, Ro?” mom asks after her while. Her gaze piercing mine as
if she was trying to find the answers by staring deep into my soul.
I was glad she didn’t ask if the pregnancy rumor was true. That wasn’t my secret to tell and I
wouldn’t even have told her.
“I don’t know” I answer her in frustration.
“Kate tells me that you’ve been distant with Emma. Emma told her that you broke things off and
won’t even talk to her. Is this because of Ava?”
I think of lying to her, but what would be the use?
I hear her sharp intake of air. I don’t look at her. Afraid of what I’ll see in her eyes.
“Did you know that Ava wasn’t Kate and James‘ daughter?” I ask when she doesn’t say anything
for a long time.
“Is that the reason you hated her?”
“No” she says, surprising me. “I hated her because she took your happiness away. She took your light away. You loved Emma so much and because of her obsession, you lost her. You don’t know how painful it was for me to watch my son living like a zombie. It was like when you lost Emma you died, Rowan. We didn’t get you back until Noah was born and even then, you didn’t come back
to us fully” U
I shake my head. I don’t want to remember how I was drowning back then. I was basically a dead
man living. It was the worst period of my fucking life.
“You hated her back then, but I see that has changed. I spent almost thirty minutes looking at the
pictures of you two standing outside that store. You stared at her in awe. You looked at her like
she was your world. You looked at her like you were in love with her”
I face my mother. Staring at her in shock. She had to be wrong some 3
“Gabe found out she didn’t lie when she said she was drunk. He was able to get the footages of that
night” I whisper, trying to change the subject.
It still sits heavily in my heart knowing what I did to Ava. All the fucking pain I caused her. She
took it all until she couldn’t anymore. Until she finally had enough and kicked us out of her life.
“Then I need to apologize to her for my part in shunning and hating her” her tone is somber and I
know it’s already killing her to know she had been wrong about Ava too.
We’re quiet for a moment. Each of us lost in our own thoughts. That’s until she speaks up.
“You have to tell her Rowan. You have to tell Ava you love her. Nine years have already been
wasted. Nine years where you would have been happy with her. You have to tell her before it’s too
“But how can I tell her?” I run my hand down my face. “How can I tell her when I’m not even sure
what I feel? She has me in knots and I don’t really know what it is I feel towards her. It’s all so
And that is the bane of my existence. The fact that I don’t know how to describe what I feel for
“Language!” she admonishes before sighing. “I think you spent so much time hating and resenting her that those ugly feelings are now fighting against the feelings that are coming up and the developing ches. That is why you’re confused. Because you are trying to reset feelings that have been dominant for years”
She continues. “Just take your time and don’t rush it. As for Ava, I saw how she looked at you. The love she once had is either gone or buried deep inside. My advice, don’t push her too much or she’ll snap and completely cut you off”
I nod my head as I accept her advice. After spending a few more minutes with her, I leave.
I was more relaxed than I had been when I arrived, but the tension was still there.
It was as I was driving to my office that I accepted the truth.
I did have feelings for Ava. Strong ones at that. I just didn’t know how deep they went, or what
exactly they were. It was time I find that out.