Chapter 0175
Ava.
“W–what?” I stammer, looking at Rowan in complete shock.
I couldn’t have heard him correctly. The Rowan I knew would have done anything for Emma, Including
sacrificing me.
My heart beats wildly as I stare at his blank face.
I
“You heard me, Ava” he repeats. No trace of lying in his voice. “If it had to come to it, I would have gladly
let her die if it meant saving you”
I
At first I thought that he’d lied so I wouldn’t feel bad. After all, who likes knowing that the man she spent almost a decade with would gladly save another woman?
I thought he was saying that just to spare my feelings. Looking at his face though, I realize that he was telling the truth. It was written on his face and in his eyes. Besides, when has Rowan ever spared my feelings? He’s never shied away from telling how it is so why would he start lying now?
I release a deep breath and untangle my hands from his. It felt too intimate. I already had so much thoughts dancing in my head. I didn’t need his warm hands confusing me more.
“You don’t mean that I tell him after a while. “Emma is the woman you’ve loved since the first time you realized what love is. You’ve been in love with her for so many years, how then can you so casually say you would sacrifice her for my sake?”
His brows draw into a frown. He goes to speak, but I interrupt him.
“I’m the one that has meant nothing to you from the start. Remember? You hate me Rowan. You’ve hated me for years, so what the hell is going on? How can you just decide one day that I’m more important than your precious Emma? Something is just not adding up. You just can’t unhate me all of a sudden”
I fall back on the pillow in exhaustion. I knew what I said was the damn truth. There is just no way all the hate, resentment and bitterness he has had for me for the past nine years disappeared into thin air.
You just don’t wake up one day a brand new person. Intense feelings are hard to get rid of. Hard to bury. I should know that. Didn’t I struggle with trying to kill and bury the love I had for Rowan? Sure I managed to mask it, but it was still there. And I knew it would take a long time before I finally rid myself of it.
Ava
He goes to say something, but I am just done. I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want him to make
hated and despised me.
I know some might wonder why I would want such a thing, right? After all, isn’t this what I’ve always. wanted? For thern to realize their mistake and crawl begging for forgiveness.
The truth is, I am just so used to their cruelty that I don’t know how to deal with this new versions of their persona. It’s confusing because a part of me wants to let it all go and forgive them. The other part though,
doesn’t trust their intentions.
Maybe it’s the trauma from being rejected over and over again, but I can’t trust their brand new feelings
towards me. It feels like a game. A game of waiting for the other shoe to drop.
“No, Rowan” I cut him off. “I’m thankful that you saved me, but please leave. You should be by Emma’s side. That’s where you’ve always wanted to be. Emma is here and you have waited years to be with her. Please don’t screw things up. What we had meant nothing. It was a mistake from the beginning. We both spent those nine years in misery, it’s time each of us found our happiness right? Yours has always been with Emma, and mine…well mine is now with my children”
He wants to argue. I see it in his eyes as the grey pools darken. Almost like there was a storm raging inside. I still. Waiting for a fight, but it doesn’t come.
I’m surprised when he sags against his chair, before letting out a sigh.
“Alright, I leave you alone…for now” he says in a gruff voice before standing up.
I thought that would be it, but instead of leaving immediately, he bends and the kisses my forehead gently. Before I can say or do anything. He leaves, closing the door gently behind him.
I’m left staring at his back. Wondering what the hell just happened. It’s not that I am not happy he left. I am. It’s just Rowan is used to doing whatever the fuck he wants, yet he left when I asked even though you could tell he didn’t want to.
As I slowly regain my energy, I think about what he told me. Of course it’s hard to believe him. I mean this is Rowan we are talking about. The same Rowan that told me I could never measure up to be like Emma or a woman he loves.
“What the hell is going on with him? I question but don’t get any answers.
Any other man I would have believed if he told me that he would give up Emma. But not Rowan. Never Rowan.
Synopsis
Ava: Nine years ago I did something terrible. it wasn’t one of my best moments but I saw an opportunity to have the guy I’ve loved since I was a young girl and I took it. Fast forward to years later and I’m tired of living in a loveless marriage. I want to free both of us from a marriage that should never have taken place. They say if you love something…. It was time to let him go. I know he’ll never love me and that I’ll never be his choice. His heart will always belong to Her and despite my sins, I deserve to be loved. Rowan: Nine years ago, I was so in love I could barely see right. I ruined it when I made the worst mistake of my life and in the process I lost the love of my life. I knew I had to step up in my responsibility and so I did, with an unwanted wife. With the wrong woman. Now she has once again flipped my life by divorcing me. To make matters even more complicated, the love of my life is back in town. Now the only question is, who is the right woman? Is it the girl I fell head over heels in love with years ago? or is it my ex wife, the woman I never wanted but had to marry?
