Chapter 0188
What I felt was more than arousal. It was something else. Something much more potent.
“Get you fucking hands off me” she shrieks but I still don’t let her go. Instead I press closer to her while
being mindful of her baby bump.
She tries to push me away, but I’m solid. She can’t move me. Not only because I was stronger than her, but because I couldn’t pull myself off her even if I’d wanted. She felt perfect in my arms. I could stay with
her like this forever.
“Not a chance, Ava. Why would I when this is exactly where I want you? You’re mine”
“What the hell are you talking about? I’m not yours. I’ve never been yours. Now let me go before Noah
finds us like this and thinks we are getting back together”
“Noah will be happy. About the other thing, you will always be mine and I won’t let you whore yourself to other men when you fucking belong to me”
Her eyes twitches. Fire burning inside her brown orbs. I don’t see her hand move. The punch comes as a
surprise, so because of the shock I release her. 1
“Whoring myself? First of all, I was a fucking virgin when we slept together for the first time in case you’ve forgotten. Second, I can fuck whoever I want. I am a free woman and nothing is holding me back from sleeping with men who actually want me. Men who aren’t thinking of the love of their fucking life while they’re buried deep inside me
I knew those words were going to come back to bite me in the fucking ass.
“Ava…”
“No! What the hell do you want Rowan? Because I just don’t get it. You yourself told me that you slept with me while imagining Emma. You told I was just an object for scratching an itch. That I would never be the woman you want, so what the hell are you doing here? Why won’t you leave me the hell alone?”
i I
There are so many things I want to tell her. To explain to her. The words instead get stuck in my throat. I don’t know how to express my feelings to her.
do want you, Ava. So fucking much” my voice turns soft and it shocks both of us,
Why now? We were married for nine years. Nine fucking years How then can you be this this” she struggles to find the right word.
This what?
Interested. How can you all of a sudden be interested in me when you’ve ignored me for the entire length.
of our marriage? It’s just not making any sense.”
She had me there, but how can I explain something that I didn’t understand myself? I don’t know where
my feelings came from or when they came to be.
“Is it too difficult to accept that I want you?” I ask instead.
Yes it is! You’ve hated me for so long, so yes, it’s hard to believe that you are now attracted to me. It
seems so farfetched.”
The words were on the
were on the tip on my words. The name of the emotion I’ve been trying to figure out. The
feeling I have for her.
“Please leave Rowan. You’re just confused. Even if you are attracted to me, it doesn’t mean anything.“1
“It means something. It means we have something to work with” I insist almost to the point of begging.
“No it doesn’t. Not when I can still clearly hear your voice in my head telling me that you were using my body as a substitute for Emma’s”
I want to say more, but I know that she already has enough of me. She was already drained and I was
making things worse for her. 1
“Okay then, I’ll leave for now. Please just call Noah for me so I can say goodbye”
She nods her head and goes to call our son. Noah comes back, but Ava doesn’t. Ignoring the questioning look on his face, I tell him good bye before leaving. I make sure he’s locked the door before driving away.
This wasn’t over. Not by a long shot. I wasn’t going to give up on her that easily.
It was as I was driving that the realization hit me. I had to pull over so that I don’t get into an accident as
the gravity of everything hit me. 1
My heart almost collapses in itself, as I’m finally able to name the feeling I have for Ava. The feeling I was too blind to realize what exactly it is.
Love.
Fuck. I love Ava.
That realizations comes with fear and crashing gullt. I all but destroyed her heart. I fucking killed the love. she had for me. How the hell was I going to fix that?
I was a dumb shit. I fucking love her, but would she ever believe me or even give me a chance?
Synopsis
Ava: Nine years ago I did something terrible. it wasn’t one of my best moments but I saw an opportunity to have the guy I’ve loved since I was a young girl and I took it. Fast forward to years later and I’m tired of living in a loveless marriage. I want to free both of us from a marriage that should never have taken place. They say if you love something…. It was time to let him go. I know he’ll never love me and that I’ll never be his choice. His heart will always belong to Her and despite my sins, I deserve to be loved. Rowan: Nine years ago, I was so in love I could barely see right. I ruined it when I made the worst mistake of my life and in the process I lost the love of my life. I knew I had to step up in my responsibility and so I did, with an unwanted wife. With the wrong woman. Now she has once again flipped my life by divorcing me. To make matters even more complicated, the love of my life is back in town. Now the only question is, who is the right woman? Is it the girl I fell head over heels in love with years ago? or is it my ex wife, the woman I never wanted but had to marry?
