Chapter 0192
Rowan.
My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was pounding as
If there was someone using it as a fucking drum.
to realster thall
It takes a while am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He has a
room at my house, and I have one in his.
Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my hands for
support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t remember much of last
night except drinking
Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it sooner?
The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised myself not to
ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and that’s enough.
Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly
There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with the
realization
hurting?
t you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking wears
I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this out of
sorts in years.
After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.
“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.
“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she could get
fresh veggies.”
June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they weren’t as
fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat, eggs, and milk from
the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.
“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee,
“Like I’ve been hit by a truck,”
When I realized that I loved Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I
would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon to tell her. She wouldn’t have believed me at
+15 BONUS
I’ve never been scared, but with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this how she used to feel? Loving me but also knowing that I hate her?
“About yesterday,” Gabe begins, “I thought you swore never to get drunk ever again.”
1
I
“I know, but I needed it. I needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but pain. It was suffocating me to know that I may have lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t let go of my bitterness”
I pretend I don’t notice it every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at me with nothing but hate and resentment.
I ignore it, trying to let it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even if it’s bitterness, I take it because it’s the only way to be near her.
I never thought of what she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did she survive me for those nine fucking years?
she wants nothi
to do with me. Wants me to be completely out of her life for good. I want to give her that because she deserves better, but I can’t let her go no matter how I fucking try. 1
i
“How did that happen? The last time I checked, you were sure you were in love with Emma.” Gabe asks me, looking puzzled.
“Yes, but weren’t you the one that insisted that I had suppressed feelings for Ava?”
I remember how adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after I told him countless times that I wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than I know myself. He saw something I didn’t want to recognize.
“My gut was telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made me doubt that maybe I was wrong.”
I sigh. “You were fucking right. My only wish is that I had relegalized this sooner. Maybe then it would have been easier to mend what I broke”
I stare off into space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where I had her, but instead of cherishing her I ruined her. I broke her. My actions and words chipped at her heart slowly by slowly until there was nothing left.
Synopsis
Ava: Nine years ago I did something terrible. it wasn’t one of my best moments but I saw an opportunity to have the guy I’ve loved since I was a young girl and I took it. Fast forward to years later and I’m tired of living in a loveless marriage. I want to free both of us from a marriage that should never have taken place. They say if you love something…. It was time to let him go. I know he’ll never love me and that I’ll never be his choice. His heart will always belong to Her and despite my sins, I deserve to be loved. Rowan: Nine years ago, I was so in love I could barely see right. I ruined it when I made the worst mistake of my life and in the process I lost the love of my life. I knew I had to step up in my responsibility and so I did, with an unwanted wife. With the wrong woman. Now she has once again flipped my life by divorcing me. To make matters even more complicated, the love of my life is back in town. Now the only question is, who is the right woman? Is it the girl I fell head over heels in love with years ago? or is it my ex wife, the woman I never wanted but had to marry?
