Chapter 0335
Rowan
Fuck, I hate it! I hate this tension and unease between Ava and me. I hate that every single time we cross paths, she stares at me like she doesn’t know what to do with me.
It’s been a couple of days since that morning. I thought that things would be okay between us once I explained everything, but I was damn wrong. In fact, it’s like, after I told her everything, things just went downhill from there.
I moved back home, and things haven’t been the same. Don’t get me wrong, she hasn’t turned into a raging bitch or anything like that, but at this point, I would prefer that to the cold politeness she shows me.
My fear of losing her gets stronger and stronger each and every day. I can’t help but wonder what will happen once she gets her memory back and finds out that we are divorced. That I had deceived her. The fear has a grip on my fucking heart. I don’t want to lose her, and I’m afraid that’s what will happen when the truth comes out.
Unable to sit still, I stand up and start pacing. My office here at home has been the place where I’ve spent most of my time. I hardly sleep. The thought of losing her keeps me awake most nights.
Part of me wants to just tell her the truth. You know, rip it off like a band aid and just face the consequences head–on. The other part, though, is unwilling to. The other part still holds on to hope that Ava and I will be okay.
My door opens and Gabe walks in. For a split second, I see how busy and chaotic it is outside
my
office before the door closes.
“Ava went all out this time, didn’t she?” He asks with a small smile while sitting down.
Today was Noah’s birthday, and the organizers were doing the final touches. It was a superhero theme party because that was what Noah wanted, and what he wanted, he got. All his friends from school were invited, and so was his entire class. He even invited his favorite
teacher.
Instead of saying anything, I just nod before looking outside my window. The planners were busy setting up what needed to be set up. Ava was busy directing them, with Iris comfortably plastered to her front.
My eyes remain on her. It’s like I can’t; she’s hypnotized me and I can’t get my eyes off even if I tried. As if sensing my gaze, she turns, and our eyes collide. We stare at each other for a moment, my heart pleading with her, but soon she pulls away and looks in another direction.
“So how have things been?” Gabe asks after a while.
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“Terrible”
He doesn’t say anything for a while, and neither do I. Instead, I continued to stare outside. L continue staring at her, willing her to turn around and look at me. When she doesn’t, I exhale a tired sigh and walk back to my chair.
“Nothing changed after you explained things to her?” he inquires.
I wasn’t really in the fucking mood to talk, but I knew I needed to get myself together. Today is Noah’s birthday; I am not going to be a downer and spoil the day for him.
“None.” I breathe out. “She doesn’t ignore me like she did before, but she isn’t back to her normal self. She’s a bit distant.”
I guess I was now getting a taste of my own medicine, and I can tell you that it sucked balls. If I could, I would spit it out, but I can’t. This is karma… And besides, this is what I deserved for treating Ava like shit all these years.
“You’ve got to understand her and give her some fucking time. Remembering what you told her isn’t easy; I mean, hell, if I’d been in her shoes, I would be torn. No matter your explanation, no matter whether you meant it or not, none of that matters. Hearing those words from the man you love is shattering.”
I do get what he’s saying. I understand. I would also be shattered if the roles had been reversed. I have no excuse. I’m a total asshole, and now my actions are back to bite my ass.
Each day feels like my heart is being torn. I know I’m the only one to blame for my pain, but I can’t help but wish and pray that she will forgive me. That she would give us a chance even if I didn’t give it to her back then. (2)
“Has she told you anything? What she’s thinking? Or how she’s feeling?” he asks, and I shake my head.
“She hasn’t, but deep down, I feel like it’s because she’s trying to make a decision on whether to stay with me or not,” I answer honestly, leaning tiredly against the back of my chair.
“Seriously? Has she told you that?”
“No… It’s more of a gut feeling.”
And that scares me more than anything. I’ve seen it in her eyes occasionally when she looks at me. There’s uncertainty in them about whether to forgive me or leave me. It fucking scares me because I know how easily I could lose her.
“So now we just wait?”
I nod my head, already feeling defeated. “Yes. That’s the only thing to do right now.”
We are silent again after that. That is, until the door opens, revealing Ava.
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+15 BONUS
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“Sorry, I didn’t know Gabe was in here,” she apologizes. “Hi Gabe”
“Hello Ava”
Iris, seeing me, tries to twist in her mom’s hand to get to me. I stand up and go to them. I pick her up and she comes willingly to me.
“Is there a problem?” I ask her, watching as her eyes dart around the office.
She bites her lips, something she does when she’s anxious and nervous.
“I got a call from Kate,” she says. “She wanted to know if she could come to the party and was requesting if she could bring Emma because she’s been depressed as of late.”
Her eyes zone in on me. This is a decision she could have made on her own, but I know what she’s doing. She wants to see my reactions. She wants to see if I’m going to tell her to invite them, and then she’s going to use that as proof that I’m still in love with Emma, giving her the excuse she needs to leave me.
I wasn’t in love with Emma, but I know it will take time for her to believe and accept that, given that I’ve rubbed my former love for Emma to her face countless times.
Giving her a small smile, I answer. “I don’t really care if she comes or not, so the decision is up to you. Do what’s comfortable with you.”
She nods her head with a small smile on her lips. She is happy with my answer, but I feel like she isn’t yet satisfied.
Deep down, I know that she’ll invite Emma just to gauge more of my reactions, and I’m okay with that because I have nothing to hide or worry about, but something tells me that with Emma here, something big will go down.
Synopsis
Ava: Nine years ago I did something terrible. it wasn’t one of my best moments but I saw an opportunity to have the guy I’ve loved since I was a young girl and I took it. Fast forward to years later and I’m tired of living in a loveless marriage. I want to free both of us from a marriage that should never have taken place. They say if you love something…. It was time to let him go. I know he’ll never love me and that I’ll never be his choice. His heart will always belong to Her and despite my sins, I deserve to be loved. Rowan: Nine years ago, I was so in love I could barely see right. I ruined it when I made the worst mistake of my life and in the process I lost the love of my life. I knew I had to step up in my responsibility and so I did, with an unwanted wife. With the wrong woman. Now she has once again flipped my life by divorcing me. To make matters even more complicated, the love of my life is back in town. Now the only question is, who is the right woman? Is it the girl I fell head over heels in love with years ago? or is it my ex wife, the woman I never wanted but had to marry?
